Words are silver, silence is gold

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Today I was reminded of a saying from an old language … from my grandfather’s time.

I miss my grandfather dearly, I have been praying relentlessly to him these days.

Alas! Yesterday, it paid off. I  was  unexpectedly  reunited with my mother and uncle.

Truly a blessing. My heart opened. I have missed them dearly, also.

Perhaps it is I who has closed my heart. Could it be?

Knock Knock

Who’s there?
Heart!
Heart who?
Heart who hear you, speak louder!

I miss my husband dearly. Has he forgotten me? My heart aches for my brother but yearns for my husband.

In the old language … В каламутній воді легко рибу ловити, I close my eyes and remember him.

I know it really well. It is my first language.

I choose not to use it. I have chosen to bury it, to bury it deep.  It makes my heart sick, it makes my heart ache.

I yearn for the days past as much as I welcome the days forward.

I yearn for the connection that was lost in the generations that came from the fall.

I have decided to stop playing with the lesser currency and await the golden days ahead. I shall do so quietly, meekly and faithfully.

Сло́во — се́ребро, молча́ние — зо́лото

jonah

Continuing the adventure … yours <3 Jane Dundee

 

resignation

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2 days ago I provided my resignation to  my current position. I accomplished what was assigned to me and in only 4 short months. Kudos to me!

The transitions are coming quicker, my faith keeps me intact … I am a studious student.

It was bittersweet. Like all things in my life … a double entendre – with a defining change in both my spiritual and material existences. I am ever so blessed when these worlds collide… a true glimpse into heaven.

I am in transition, climbing and can see the next level is just around the bend. I hold fast to my ladder but not with my sins.  At last, this  transition I will leave my sins behind.

I know my sins well. They have grounded  me and kept me tied to this world. I limited myself and believed I needed to be tied to this world, but now I  understand my purpose is far greater.

As I make this transition – I am comforted by love. Love is hard. Letting go of love is even harder. I know it too well. And to you I say “конец“.

I resign from …

wanting to control the universe and will leave it to my father … he knows what’s best.

wanting to control my son, he is my greatest teacher and ally these days.

shrugging my responsibilities as a wife, mother, nurturer, the world has enough “chicks with dicks” in offices.

carrying others sins, they need theirs as much as I needed mine.

Lastly, I resign from wanting others to be their best selves. I have tried to be a mirror to them, but I cannot heal a closed heart –  “конец“.

I resign for love to love.

My glimpse into the next level, shows me that my power will increase.  I know all to well that all power leads me back to the tree of knowledge … I will be mindfuld not to abuse this power.

My family has already had their branches trimmed for abuse of power.  It has  fallen  on me to take us back. I will perservere.

To those that I love,

Continuing to adventure in life …. yours <3 Jane Dundee

P.S. Lilly .. thanks for the boost! I love you!ladder clouds

 

 

Angels Amoung Us

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Today was a pleasant fall day. I so relish Sundays when I can go out in nature with my little gems. Always a day to focus and really get learned up on  “the spirit”…funny how this happens when I skip his “house”.

 

Great realization that the last ‘level’ I was on … was full of flawed Christians… they have forgotten and fill the pews with words not deeds. As I come closer and closer to the tree of knowledge … I am seeing the word and the holy spirit.. perhaps the mans soon should I fulfill my duties.

Life as a dual agent is rewarding and exhausting.

As I sit here sipping some delightful blueberry tea at Le Rouge Rogue, I am reminded of Lilli. Before she set forth on her journey we sat here on this vintage burgundy couch where  she learned first hand his power and now shares it with the world many miles away.

I wonder if she sees it too, I wonder if she feels the guidance she is getting.

While I enjoy my own company, I am reflecting on my caseload in front of me.

 

 

Silk Matters

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As I sat in the rusty colored booth with my once pristine silk shirt, I anxiously opened up my fortune cookie. Who actually believed in these things anyway? Oh yeah, I did.

I cracked the cookie and there laid the words, “Be tactful: what goes around comes around.” Interesting, … I thought and that was it. My friend had called yesterday and asked me for lunch, busy but willing to squeeze in the time given the urgency of her voice. We agreed to meet at the Thai Box which was just across the street from my office. I listened to her intently, though admittedly I was preoccupied wondering if the stains would come out of my $300 silk shirt and whether I was to start looking for a new job though I had just started one, what a bizaare morning. Okay, so maybe the shirt didn’t cost me $300 but it was at one time listed at that much when I bought it for $50 at the second hand store. My mind wandered to my friend Lilli … she had helped me pick out the shirt, where was she, what was she doing…. would she be disappointed I had ruined the shirt?

Focus, Sue is telling you some heart felt information on the choice she made given the difficult decision she had in front of her. To stay in this country and build up a career or to go back to her home country and support her husband. Why was I so stupid to think I could master chop sticks again after so little practice. Urgh, the reason for the stains on my shirt. The decision was made Sue would rent her house and return to China. If things were to go as planned with her husband in a few years they would land in America. Apparently her grandmother’s trip to Canada was what as needed to help move her decision along.

I couldn’t help wondering through our discussions over the past year whether I had helped or hindered her, $5000 hardly seems worth the lesson she endured, but the best lessons in life come from experience. You see I actively recruited Sue to come work for the company I was at, the bonus system in place was set up that I would receive 2500 if she stayed for 6 months and 2500 if she stayed for a year. I stayed at the company just long enough to collect the bonus and then left. What a mirage. I honestly could not believe after working there for 1 year how the management style and culture was so far from what I was promised and lead to believe.

Sue worked hard, she worked more hours than any other person I knew there. She took at pay cut to come work there for the promises made to her. She had her first baby when she started and even brought her mother and father in law to Canada to help her so she could work more.

I felt responsible for the imbalance in her personal life. Sure I got $5000 bonus, but I took responsibility for looking out for her and as adults people have there own choices. When I left the company, I made the call to try to get her in touch with a competitor thinking the atmosphere would be better.

This is why we were meeting today, she wanted to tell me that she pursued the opportunity with the competitor company, but in the end had decided to pursue a family life and was hopeful of the things that would bring.

As I walked back to my office, it occurred to me the message in the fortune cookie. Yesterday, a bizarre string of emails went back and forth after I sent my draft report for review to a few people in the department. It was my first assignment I had in the 2 weeks I was there and did not anticipate what followed. Basically, I was caught in the middle of a territory war between my boss and another senior official. Prior to going for lunch with Sue, my boss and I met, she was sorry for recruiting me from another company and due to the recent events suggested I apply for different jobs, she offered to help me find one.

Great, just when I start to get in a groove … and then the cookie. I did the same thing with Sue, I actively recruited her and even thought it didn’t turn out I watched out for her. Truly, what goes around comes around. I was saved. Let’s hope my shirt is to0!

Big Changes, small steps

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Life is interesting isn’t it.  Sometimes we wake up in a puddle of our own mess (not that, that has EVER happened to me!, <blush>, <blush>) wondering how the hell did I get here or sometimes things are breezing by so smoothly that we hardly make any waves in our lives or the lives of others and living seems effortless.

Most times life is a lot in between, well for me anyways.

The passage of distinct periods of time always seems to provide me with a gentle reminder of reflecting where I am on this spectrum.  As another year passes, I reflect on what 2012 showed me about myself and my journey.

Let’s see …. here’s the top 7 learnings I had:

7. God really is listening and showing me the way

6. There comes a day when a woman musts choose which clan she is with her childhood family or her husband

5. Believe in the impossible and impassable

4. It is possible to get a 3 for 1 deal and end up ahead

3. The heart defies all logic

2.It’s hard to drive if you want to be the passenger

1. Small steps can lead to big changes, if you know who you are

I started out the year in a bull shit job that required me to use approximately 10% of my potential, forced to conform to others immoral and superficial ways of being to fit in and maintain my position within the company. A company that had become in large part a popularity contest and place to expand your social circle and influence through hiring than to make a meaningful difference in life or for that matter make an honest living.

A contract binding me to them financially.

Hmm, let’s see the breadwinner of my family so well leaving wasn’t the smartest thing to do with an soon to be toddler and an unemployed spouse.

A house that had been an endless work in progress since I moved …. much thanks to my patient (hmm .. sure that’s the word) spouse for making a rock look like an emerald.  And even though we worked hard to sell it, it is sometimes hard to sell an emerald when it’s places amongst a neighbourhood of rock collectors.

A family who I continued to grow further from as I didn’t fit their mould of who I should be or how I should live my life.

A church community (that came along with my desire to uphold a spiritual dimension to my life) that was well… just plain dysfunctional. Truly demonstrating what a living oxymoron was.

So frustration at work, at home, at church, at play …What’s a gal to do.

Especially a gal with a determined spirit who has always persisted for living a life reflective of her highest self and becoming all that she can be.  As I looked around, this was not the highest or even mediocre self I had imagined when I sat down 3 short years ago to plan my future and make my 5 year plan (which happened to be shortly after waking up in my puddle of mess… yes I guess that really did happen)

Well let’s just say, God was listening and you know as life has a way of working itself out.

At exactly the same point in time, my whole life shifted. June 1st.

On this day, I started a new job … it was across the street …. literally from my old job.

We sold our house and the following month would move to a new place 7 blocks down the same street to a different house.

I changed churches, same denomination just different church, to a church that was 7 blocks east of the old church.

Wow, all the major areas of my life had changed drastically.  The internal work that I had done those 3 years ago allowed me to stay true to my foundation and go through the struggle with confidence, some days  a weepy confidence but nonetheless, I had certainty that I was on the right path.

Now don’t get me wrong there was and there isn’t a fairy tale ending…. the change and reality of it was in fact much more dark.

At this same period, one week I was married (May 26th) …. the following week due to my inability to choose past or future …. my husband was arrested on the account of my mother and we were not to see each other for months (court orders), I risked having my son taken from me …. I was in a legal dispute with my previous employer ….. and walking down the same street made it unnerving when everyone was gossiping that I was fired ….. oh yeah and the priest from church was gossiping about my family … some rock, eh.

Wow… all this truly does not seem real …. this is why I have come to know to believe in the impossible and impassable.  A few short months as I sat in my mundance office, tolerating a sleezy boss and unfulfilling job, life…. it changed… but it had to go dark before light.

Many things can change in our lives if we allow them to and truly believe in the power of our thoughts, our beliefs and our guidance from above.  2012 brought me, my future, the future of my family many big changes in life, but I only had to take a mere few steps to realize them…..

What’s holding you back? the hardest part is the first step…. look forward to hearing yours.

 

Continuing to adventure in life …. yours <3 Jane Dundee